my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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