I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
