I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
