You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
