trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
