I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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