There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my shit smells like andre
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
