He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was like eating out sand paper
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
