Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
