i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
