He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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