fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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