The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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