WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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