his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
