FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize