I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
