Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
