do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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