Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
