so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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