i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
