I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
