I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
