so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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