the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
