tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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