This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
