If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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