she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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