its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
