There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think I sprained my soul last night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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