i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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