EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
