im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
