hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
