How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
