I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
