Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
where are you?
Hypothermia
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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