Soap is not a condiment
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
