P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
