There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
