i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
