my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
