Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
