And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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