i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
