Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you never un-have a 4some
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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