who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
