I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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