quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
