So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
