I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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