in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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