do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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