do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
