I just made out with a guy for $7.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
