there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
