Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
