Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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